Adopting a baby can be tremendously isolating. Not only has your life changed dramatically by adding a child, but it's likely that you, as new mother (or your spouse or partner...but typically it's the mother) has had to rearrange your work schedule by possibly quitting or cutting back hours or arranging to work at home, or even simply by taking a few weeks off to be home with your new child. Add to this your change in status with your friends and the sheer demands that a child brings to your life and you have a potentially depressing and possibly dangerous situation on your hands.

When I had Big J I quit my job as a school library media specialist to stay home with him full-time. We had just moved to a new house and the job I'd left I'd only had for a year so I didn't really know anyone except a few neighbors and I they all worked full-time (except the nutty one across the street. We won't count her). Basically, I had no friends. My mom had just moved to my town, which was good, but I couldn't hang out with her every day. By the time my husband came home from work at night I was over being a stay-at-home mom. All I wanted was to talk - and all he wanted was to relax. Add to that the witching hour of 4-7 pm with a new baby and it was a wonder he was coming home at all!

Luckily, when Big J was about 8 months old I joined a playgroup and the rest is history. From that playgroup I made a great group of friends and we are friends to this day.

Now, when we adopted Little J I figured things wouldn't be too bad. After all, I still had those same group of friends and my life was hunky-dory. It'd be a break from trying to work part time and write and take care of Big J. I'd just be a mommy for a while...

Well, that didn't work out so well for me. All my friends' kids were older now, and several of my friends had gone back to work. We got together, but not as often as before, and with Little J around either I or my husband had to shadow him to make sure he didn't get into anything. My friends had abandoned babyproofing, and Little J put everything in his mouth. We often had potlucks, and faced with a buffet, Little J, who'd just come out of an orphanage where he wasn't given enough food, would run up to the food and cram it into his mouth until he choked or threw up...then he'd go back for more. So for a while we couldn't really socialize.

We had to minimize social situations for another reason: attachment. When we first got Little J he would go to anyone, and everyone loved it! He was super affectionate and super cute and he didn't differentiate between his mommy and daddy and the mailman. We knew we couldn't let that go on - so we had to limit contact with other people. That way he would grow to understand that we are his parents and others are not...but to do that we had to stay away from other people.

I felt really isolated. It's only normal! Have you felt isolated as a new parent? What have you done to help yourself? (Some suggestions in my next blog).