Hey everyone -
Something very disturbing happened on the way to my job interview this a.m. (see my recent Hoping to Adopt blog post on that little foray out into the real world.

I was listening to the radio, trying to remember why I'd chosen to wear 2-inch heels and wondering how women managed to actually drive in them (with my standard transmission I had a hard time getting the clutch close enough to the floor to actually change gears) when what do I hear but someone I know has been charged with taking indecent liberties with a minor.

Now, I don't know the story behind what happened with this person. I really, have no idea. I thought this person was a good person and for all I know he might be...but it was really disturbing and surprising to hear my friend's name on the radio. This is someone who worked with children, too. I am not sure if the "minor" this person took liberties with was 10 or 17. I think there's a difference, honestly (but I don't want to start a debate). One is a horrid crime and beyond comprehension and the other is more of the eeeuuuuwww...you're really stupid variety, but in either case it was a terrible, terrible error in judgement at the very least.

But I thought I'd use my dismay and disappointment and worry about this person and the child who was involved to talk about something that should be relevant to every parent out there: talking to your children about sexual predators.

Obviously, what you say to children depends largely on how old they are. According to experts, it's a good idea to talk to children about inappropriate touching even when they are very young. You can tell them that nobody should touch their bodies in a place that their bathing suit covers except their parents or their doctor - and then only when a mom or dad is present.

The problem with that advice is that 1/4 of all children who are sexually abused are abused by a parent, 1/4 are abused by a stepparent or guardian.

Here's what Debbie Mahoney, founder of the child protection group, Safeguarding Our Children-United Mothers (SOC-UM), says about talking to children:

We need to stop this from being a topic we don't discuss but a topic we do discuss openly. We can teach children that if someone tries to touch them in ways that make them uncomfortable or afraid, or in parts of their body that is covered in bathing suits, that they should tell. We can go down and find out the registered sex offenders in our area. If we find out one of neighbors is a sex offender, you need to talk to your child and tell them if that person approaches them that they need to tell their parents. We can tell parents that children do not disclose because they believe that what happened is their own fault. They think they will get in trouble. They don't want to break up the family, if it is a family member doing the abusing. They don't think they will be believed. They are afraid for their families or themselves. And the main reason children do not disclose is because they feel dirty.

It is important that we talk to the child, but be careful not to make the child fearful.

She also says:

You can't talk to a three year old about sexual abuse but you can talk about good touch and bad touch. Good communication skills with your child are very important, and just talking about safety one time is not enough. It has to be continual.

Predators who stalk kids on-line are another think to watch out for and to educate your children about. Here's a link to an article with some helpful tips.

I haven't talked to my kids about this, but I think that I will do so tonight. I think it's really horrible that we need to worry about things like this, especially when our children are so young, but hearing the news about my acquaintance reminds me that this type of thing is all around us.

And to everyone involved in this situation, my heart goes out to you.