In my last post I talked a little bit about how, growing up, I didn't have a whole lot of traditions in my family. Sure, we had the turkey on Thanksgiving and a Christmas tree and cakes and presents on our birthdays (which is, I know, a whole lot more than a lot of people have and I'm thankful for it) but we didn't have any family rituals or long-lasting customs that I've carried over to my own family.

I've thought a lot about this, and a couple of years ago (probably about the same time that my first son was born) I started to figure out how I could incorporate new, fun traditions into my family's year. I found a book that has been very useful to me in this regard: The Heart of a Family: Searching America for New Traditions that Fulfill Us, by Meg Cox.

The bummer about this book is that it looks like it's no longer in print. You can get used copies, however, and they're well worth the couple of dollars you have to pay in shipping.

Cox's main premise in the book is that traditions, or rituals, serve an important purpose in family life. She lists 10 things that rituals do for children (p. 16):

1. Impart a sense of identity.
2. Provide comfort and security.
3. Help to navigate change.
4. Teach values.
5. Cultivate knowledge of cultural or religious heritage.
6. Teach practical skills.
7. Solve problems.
8. Keep alive a sense of departed family members.
9. Create wonderful memories.
10. Generate joy.

All ten are so important in a family! After reading this book I was even more convinced that my family needed more rituals and traditions in our lives. I would think that for adopted children, or children with a difficult past, these reasons are even more important, especially the first two reasons.

Here are a couple of things we do in our house at this time of year that may be unique to our house or may not be - but which we've added specifically because we want to create a tradition.

This first one is from The Heart of a Family. Instead of an advent calendar, we have a picture book advent countdown. Over the years I've collected a bumch of Christmas and winter-holiday themed books and every end-of-November I wrap them up in Christmas wrapping. We open one each day and read it for the countdown to Christmas morning. The kids really love this. I change the books out as I find new ones at the thrift shop or wherever - you can also do this with library books although you should be sure to read those 1st so they're not overdue. This year I'm incorporating some Russian-themed Christmas books as well as our old books.

Christmas Eve we have a gathering of our closest friends and we eat pierogi, which is something that my husband's family has been doing since they came from Poland a hundred or so years ago.

Something I'd like to add to our Christmas tradition is an activity that gets my family giving back to our community. Certainly there are lots of possibilities this time of year. Perhaps I'll have them choose a toy to give to the gift-giveaway, or maybe we can go through our coats and they can go with me to a coat giveaway. I don't think it's ever too early to understand that Christmas is more about giving than it is about receiving!

Next post: more ideas from The Heart of A Family.