One assumption that I made about Little J before he came home to us was that he'd be a great sleeper. After all, the kid had spent the last 7 months of his life in an orphanage. Surely those mamatchkas had him trained to shut his eyes the minute he hit the pillow. Surely he would'n't make a peep. If he could sleep in a room with fifteen other children he wouldn't have a problem sleeping in his own quiet room in his wonderful little toddler bed.

Wrong, wrong, wrong.

Not only did Little J have issues with sleep, the lovely little toddler bed we'd assembled didn't work for him, nor did a nightlight, nor did Mommy or Daddy singing him to sleep, patting his back to sleep, rocking him to sleep, giving him a bottle to sleep, letting him cry to sleep, having the door open, shutting the door, sleeping with Mommy and Daddy, sleeping with his brother, etc., etc., etc.

The only thing that worked for him was to put him in a crib with a crib guard attached with NO STIMULATION at all (I even made heavy drapes to cover the windows so not a single beam of light could get in), say a quick goodnight (after stories and rocking, of course), and then leave the room. If he yelled MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY (and he yelled, he didn't cry)and we dared to go in and check on him, forget it. We had to start all over.

Now, I am not recommending this method for everyone with a newly adopted child. In fact, many parents and experts on adopted children recommend co-sleeping, or if not sleeping in the same bed as your newly adopted child, at least sleeping in the same room. Letting the newly adopted child cry it out to sleep is never recommended.

I don't know what they say about letting the newly adopted child yell it out, but if he'd been crying or seemed in distress we would've gone into his room. We soon figured out that he was yelling because he wanted more play time. And sleep is the opposite of playtime, right? Anyway, I don't want you to get the idea that we were letting poor Little J sob and cry and want us to help soothe him to sleep. It wasn't like that.

That said, many times sleep issues=attachment issues, and the child who's just become part of your family gets incredibly anxious that he or she will never see you again if you leave him or her in a room alone for the night. Many children who've lived in orphanages are used to sleeping with other people, so it's the opposite of relaxing for them to be alone at night.

But as you can tell by our experience, all children are different. Looking back, I think that Little J was exhibiting his sensory issues through his inability to calm down at night. The more time we spent with hime trying to get him to relax and feel loved, the more excited he got and the less likely he was to be able to sleep. In our case, co-sleeping would've been the worst thing we could've done. The times we tried it were a terrible disaster. But in many cases I think it works really well. Our older son often slept with us at night, and I can see how this fosters attachment and security for the little one.

Bottom line: get to know your child. Adjust your strategy if necessary. Ask other people what worked for them. Go with your gut.

And get some sleep, for goodness' sake!