Russia Adoption, Russian Adoption Blog - Searching for our children's Russian family, part 1

Russia Adoption Blog

07/13/06

Searching for our children's Russian family, part 1

Posted by : Adrienne Bashista in Russia Adoption Blog at 04:54 am , 417 words, 134 views
Categories: Birth Family

We are in the process of trying to make contact with Little J's birth family. We are doing this for a number of reasons - one, he has five siblings left in Russia and I feel they should be reassured that he is doing well. I don't know the exact circumstances of their removal from their parents' home but it can't have been very nice - and 4 of the 5 (the 5th was over 18 at the time) were placed together in an orphanage while they sent Little J to a baby orphanage. I can only imagine that they wonder where he is.

Add to that the information that we got when we adopted him: when he entered the orphanage he was well-fed and healthy - he was at 90th percentile height and weight in American standards. That's so far off the chart in Russian standards it's not even funny. Someone was taking good care of him. Since he and his siblings were removed from the home I can only assume it wasn't the parents...so it was probably the siblings. Another reason to contact them: to give them thanks.

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The bigger reason, of course, has nothing to do with them or with me; it has to do with Little J. When he is older and has more detailed questions I'd like to be able to answer them. I'd love to be able to show him pictures or letters of his family in Russia. I want him to know that he has a connection there. If he wants to write to them I want to have an address to send it to.

So far we've been trying to do this the cheap way: through contact with a beaureaucrat we've located in our regions's Ministry of Education. We have a wonderful translator who's working with us - Victor Sluczewski. (If you send me an e-mail at adoptrussiablog@adoptionmail.com I can send you his e-mail address. I don't know if he wants me to post it here for the world to see) He has been translating the letters we've been sending back and forth.

Now Victor himself is not allowed to contact the siblings as they are under 18. As I understand it Russian citizens cannot legally access the records of children who are underage. That said, I think he may be able to help me find Little J's first mother, should we decide to go that route.

Next, more resources and my mixed feelings about contacting Little J's first mom.

3 comments

Comments, Pingbacks:

Comment from: grerp [Member]

I have really wanted to search for my son's birthmother. He's been home for about 18 months now, and he's such a bright and beautiful boy. I feel very blessed to have him; I would like her to know he's doing fine and has a future now. I have heard that some birthmothers do NOT want to be contacted as the views in Russia toward adoption tend to be more like there were here 50 years ago. Some women will go to great lengths to make sure no one knows they are pregnant and other women will go to equally great lengths to hide the fact that they adopted their child. This is my personal hesitation - if she did relinquish to save her marriage or to hide her pregnancy from her family, I don't want to expose her or make her situation awkward.

But the bigger problem is my husband and his family. They are all totally against it and believe that horrible consequences could result. I don't think this would happen. I think if we went through someone like Victor, we could keep ourselves pretty anonymous until the time our son wanted personal contact (if ever). I'm not worried about them coming after him or asking for money or greencards or whatever. But we are parenting together and married, and if my husband is against it, I have to respect his wishes. I can't go behind his back just because I'm worried waiting until he's an adult will make it nearly impossible to find his birthfamily.

Permalink 07/13/06 @ 07:01

Comment from: Adrienne Bashista [Member]

· http://russia.adoptionblogs.com/

I completely understand this. My husband has some of those same concerns. But I also understand where you're coming from - even if you don't start writing monthly letters and sending money and plan tickets it'll be a heck of a lot easier to at least locate them now than in 18 years, or even sooner, depending on when and if your son has any questions.
Victor has just sent me an e-mail about his services. He charges $35 to locate an address on a person. He doesn't contact them - he goes through an address verfication service - and it is completely anonymous. So maybe your husband will at least consent to that?

Permalink 07/13/06 @ 08:01

Comment from: vivianjean [Member]

I have heard good things about Victor's services. We used a searcher and don't regret it. For the most part we were looking for medical information, but ended up learning so much about the birthfamily to give to our children. There are searchers who will act as go betweens to create a buffer between you and birthfamily. They can also help navigate cultural differences. There are some Yahoo groups dedicated to searching too. I think one is birthparentcontact and the other is out of the UK, but I can't recall the name.

Permalink 07/16/06 @ 07:14

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