You are tired and disoriented. You have seen unbelievable riches in Moscow and unspeakable poverty in the hinterlands. You are about to see an orphanage, something that has absolutely nothing to do with the pastel fairylands of American baby magazines.

But most importantly, you are about to meet your child. I have been through this twice, and experience did little to soothe the anxiety I felt meeting my second son for the first time. With almost two years since that first trip, I have had time to sort out the most important things to know about that day.

1) Take it slow. If your adoption is in a region that still provides background information on its referrals, you have had weeks, maybe even months to look at all the information on your child. Even those of you traveling on blind referrals may have begun to imagine your child's American future and decorated his room. But this child doesn't know you. And you look different, smell different and sound different from anyone else he has ever known.

2) Get off the sofa and onto the floor. Chances are, your child will be brought to you in a separate meeting room in the orphanage. A stiff and formal room, a room your child has never been in. But a child's world is on the floor, or close to it. I met my second son over the dirt around a bug in the orphanage's playground. You have to be in his world if you are to invite him into yours.

3) Do not take pictures of the other kids. The temptation is huge. You see children who belong in every family you ever knew back home. But Russia is very zealous about protecting the privacy of children in its care. And chances are, if you are working with a good agency, they are already aware of these other children and are working hard to find families for them.

4) Do not be disappointed if your first meeting does not go well. You have never tried to do anything under more stress. Those of you traveling without background information are wondering about the health issues your child might have and gathering enough facts for an adoption medicine doctor to review. Your child may just not be ready to welcome you into her heart. My second son did not make any eye contact with me on our first visit, despite the fact that I tried to share his interest in bugs. This is not the rest of your life. It is only the first day.

5) Learn to say "I love you" in Russian. "Ya tebya loo-blu" is the phonetic rendition, and follow it with the nickname version of your child's Russian name. No, it may not be the first thing you say, but it may not be something that your child has ever heard. My sons were well cared for and well loved by the women in their orphanage, and I am forever indebted to those women for their hard work. But I will never forget the light in my second son's eyes when he heard "Ya tebya loo-blu" from me.