In the middle of last month, one of the Russian adoption forum members came on to say she had quit her job. Her good employer had gone bad after she became an adoptive mom.

BTDT, as they say on the Internet.

Adoptive moms are discovering what bio moms have long known: Some bosses are just not child-proof. But this discovery seems to sting more as an adoptive parent. We are, particularly those of us who adopt internationally, older than bio parents. We have invested more years in a career, and we often take home pretty chunky paychecks..

A bio mom, if she dresses carefully, probably won't have to disclose her pregnancy at work until she is four or five months from delivery. But as an adoptive mom, one of the first documents you need to get is a letter about the status of your employment. And if you are waiting to adopt from Russia, that means that your boss has a year--or more--to contemplate how life is going to change at the company. Like how the company is going to function while you are off in Russia for three or four weeks.

So what do you do about it? (And no, doing nothing is not a smart option.)

Take what I'm going to call a "momventory". As you begin your adoption journey, look around your company and count the number of moms to non-moms. Not many of the former? Put a check in the minus column. Do the moms look more stressed than the non-moms? Another check in the minus column. Then try to listen and participate in some of the watercooler talk about how sympathetic the company is to balancing work and family.

If you work for a company that welcomes working moms, congratulations, and please share your employer's name with the rest of us.

If not, then you need to think about what motherhood might mean for your future at this company. You need to run a spreadsheet on your finances--which are already taking a major ding from the adoption--and see if you can make do on one salary instead of two. And if no is the answer, then you need to start networking to find a more family-friendly company or career.