Continued from part 2.

I'm writing about a great article I found in the International Adoption Articles Directory, called "Oppositional Defiant Disorders," that talks about the difference between ODD and attachment disorders, although many of the behaviors overlap.

Here's how he explains you can tell the difference between the two:

Children with ODD are most effectively treated with a program that begins with paying attention to and reinforcing the desired behaviors. One begins by rewarding compliant behavior rather than punishing oppositional behavior. I teach parents specific methods and techniques to focus on and reward compliant behaviors in a consistent manner. One method is to have each parent spend ten or fifteen minutes each day playing with the child. The parent is instructed to avoid giving commands and to make positive comments to the child about the child's play. Another method is to ask the child to play quietly while the parent reads a magazine or makes a phone call. Every few minutes, the parent is to praise the child for playing so quietly and allowing the parent to read or make the call. Gradually the time between verbal reinforcement is extended. The second step in this process is to begin using a number of methods to eliminate the undesirable behaviors. Time out, points, charts, and other methods are taught to the parents. These methods are highly effective with ODD children. However, the same methods are ineffective with children with attachment disorders.

Replacing positive reinforcement with negative is the most effective way to deal with a child with ODD characteristics. Not so much for a child with attachment disorder.

So, how does one address oppositional behaviors exhibited by attachment disordered children? The most important concept is “Units of Concern.” This concept involves creating situations in which all of the difficulty or concern about a problem rests on the child's shoulders rather than on the parent's shoulders. Rather than allowing the child to create a conflict between the child and the parent, you structure the situation and consequences so that the conflict and consequences affect only the child. For example, when a parent gets into an argument with a child about getting washed up and coming to dinner it is usually the parent who is most concerned about getting the child into the dining room. In this example the parent has all of the units of concern while the child has none. One method for turning this around is to let the child know that dinner will be served in ten minutes and that the child can feel free to join the family as soon as the child gets washed up. There are no reminders or any further discussion. The child can take as long as the child wants to get ready and come to dinner. However, if by the time the child gets to dinner, supper is over, the parent’s response to the child’s question, “what's for dinner?” can be a simple, "breakfast." In this example, the natural consequence of the child’s disobeying the parent is a missed meal. It is the child’s dawdling that created the outcome. The parent is not nagging, yelling, reminding, or punishing the child. In other words, the parent is taught to find creative ways to allow natural consequences to help shape the child's behavior and learn to trust the parent.

For attachment disordered children, natural consequences are the best approach to take. Natural consequences create trust.

Fascinating. I would think that the most intuitive approach to parenting any child would be a mix of natural consequences and postive and negative reinforcement of behaviors. It's where you put the emphasis that counts when dealing with these issues, apparently.

As far as Little J goes I think his issues are more in the realm of ODD rather than attachment. Natural consequences don't mean much to that kid. He seems to know that Mommy and Daddy will take care of everything for him in the end. Positive and negative reinforcement, however, sure have meaning. He seems to be craving the attention that his bad behavior (or good behavior) gets. We just need to always remember to focus on the positive - something that's hard on some days. But we need to keep trying so this doesn't escalate. He loves a shiny star sticker! He loves being told he's a good boy. And he is - with attitude.