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Readers, I need help with a parenting dilemma. You see, Little J will often ask people for food – even right after he’s eaten a full meal OR if he’s refused to eat the (healthy) food I’ve given him. I don’t like when he does that. I was taught it’s bad manners. But I’m not sure if it’s as big a deal as I’m making it.
There are a couple of things that could be going on here. First, when Little J came to us at 15 months he was malnourished and severely anemic. I had been given a list of what they’d fed him in the orphanage and while we were in Russia I tried to stick with it, but when he got diarrhea I was admonished by our translator for feeding him too much. So obviously, the list of what he’d been eating wasn’t correct. He was so hungry and thirsty – maybe more in his head than in reality – but he was seriously obsessed with food. If he saw us eating or drinking he would scream. When food or liquid was put in front of him he would scream. If he got hungry (which was often) he would scream.
When we finally got home we basically allowed him to eat and drink at will. As much as he wanted, whenever he wanted. He’d eat to the point of vomiting, then eat some more. He ate and ate and ate. This lasted about 3 weeks, after which time I think he “got” that we’d keep him fed. He continued on with a great appetite which he’s pretty much kept, although maybe in the past year it’s waned a little bit, as many 3 and 4 year olds’ appetites do.
He had issues with food, obviously.
So, of course I’m worried that this current “asking for food” is somehow related to that. I’m sure it’s also related to our family sticking to mostly healthy, nutrient-rich food with occasional treats and the rest of the world eating garbage. If we’re at a picnic, for example, and we’re eating sandwiches and vegetables and fruit and cheese, and he sees a family that he knows (he doesn’t do this to people he doesn’t know) eating cheetos and drinking soda on the next blanket over, he’ll get up and go to their blanket and ask them for their food. We’re forever having to drag him away.
Of course, it doesn’t help that most of the time people say “sure,” and hand him whatever garbage they’re eating. Sometimes they’ll say ‘ask your mommy,’ which results in me saying no and him tantruming, but lots of times they just hand over the snack, as they would do to their own child. Many times if we’re with our friends it’s a very communal party atmosphere with the kids running around, the nearest adult playing supervisor. I often don’t find out until after the fact that he’s eaten junk food. I suppose if I were really serious about this I’d watch him with an eagle eye, but he’s 4 now and I don’t think I need to follow him around like he’s a toddler.
It’s very frustrating. I feel very strongly that Little J should eat really nutritious foods to make up for the poor start he had in life – and if he eats a bag of chips and a cookie at 4:00 then he won’t eat the dinner I’ve made.
So – I don’t know. Do you think this is a symptom of something else or is he just being a smart little bugger and sneaking in treats when he can? Is this normal? Big J never did it, but as everyone keeps reminding me, Big J was really easy and I have no idea how a “real” kid acts. Am I being too controlling? I know some of the people around me think so.
I’d really like your help. How do you deal with it? Do you bother? Should I just relax?
