This is not an adoption parenting dilemma…it’s a plain old parenting dilemma, and I could use some advice.

Picture this: yesterday my husband and I helped some friends who are getting ready to move and so our boys went to their grandparents for a couple of hours. When it was time to pick them up I left my husband and our friends’ house and went to get them. From the time they left Grandma and Grandpa’s house until the time we picked up Daddy it was bickering…constant. Unrelenting. Annoying.

I really, really tried not to get in the middle of it. I read somewhere that arguing is a bid for parental attention so if you give it to them it reinforces the situation. But was really, really annoying and hard to listen to! I may have told them to stop arguing. I may have told them to keep their hands to themselves. I may have turned up the radio as high as possible so I wouldn’t have to hear them. I don’t remember. I’m blocking the car ride out.

Finally, it was time to get Daddy. We piled into the car and there was a fight about who gets to sit behind Mommy. Then we drove to get Daddy and there was more bickering. At our friends’ house there was a brief respite, but once we got in the car it redoubled and even resulted in a physical fight and Little J started to cry. Then we stopped to get sandwiches. When we were in the sandwich place both of them talked AT me nonstop. But at least they weren’t arguing so I tried to be pleasant and respond, all the while trying to place my order.

By the time we got home my brain was fried. I felt as if I couldn’t listen to my children’s voices ONE MINUTE MORE. I went to my bedroom and lay down on my bed while their dad got out their sandwiches. Now, at this particular sandwich place the kids meals come with juice boxes, but I had told them when I was placing the order that we would go home and have milk. We don’t drink juice with dinner. We never do. So my lovely husband got them milk…and they whined and cried and asked for the juice boxes. He said no. After milk, then they could have more milk or water. So guess what they did?

The older one did it first. He got up from the table, walked through 4 rooms, pushed open my door and ASKED ME if he could have his juice box. I looked at him as if he’d just asked me to pull his eyeball out. “Go eat your dinner,” I said. I was really in no mood.

Then, 2 minutes later the little one walked through 4 rooms and then through my then open bedroom door and asked me the EXACT SAME THING. “GET OUT OF HERE I’M TRYING TO REST YOUR DAD IS SITTING AT THE TABLE WITH YOU DIDN’T HE TELL YOU NO JUICE BOX!”

So he cried, and I felt bad for yelling but I don’t understand why either one of them would do such a thing! We have been having good times at our house but it seems like there’s also been a wave of bickering and badgering going on. We do not reward the badgering. Neither my husband or I gives in once we make a decision. So I don’t see why they are doing it. It is driving us crazy.

I guess the next step is some sort of punishment. Every time we give the kids a guideline and they start to argue with us, then ? Lose a toy? Pay me a nickel? Dust the living room?

Every time they bicker endlessly, then ?

I’m open to suggestions.