I have just been struck with the most surprising conviction! It's this: if we adopt a second time, it will probably be from Russia again.

Here's why it's surprising: for the past 8 months I've been writing this almost-daily blog about Russian adoption. I haven't covered all aspects of adoption from Russia, but I certainly have covered a lot of them. I have read and read and read about Russian adoption until my eyeballs have felt like they were going to fall out - scholarly articles, blogs, horror stories, happy stories, etc.

Meanwhile, a couple of months ago I started to write the Hoping to Adopt blog on this site. On that blog I've read about all aspects of adoption. I've been particularly interested in domestic, private adoption as well as adoption from foster care, since I figured if we adopted a second time we'd go the domestic route. There are many reasons why this would be a smart thing to do: first, the possibility of having an open relationship with my child's first mother. Second, it won't cost as much as an adoption from Russia. Third, it would be less disruptive to our lives as we wouldn't have to make the 2 or 3 trips out of country...not to mention the problems that children adopted from institutions might have. Some days I think that we got lucky that Little J "just" has ADHD and sensory issues. From all the reading I've done I know that it could be much, much worse. He has seemingly attached to us, and did this early. He is not developmentally delayed (any more). The health problems he came with have gone away with a good diet and consistent care.

But then I read about children in the orphanages and I think about Little J back when he was Yuri and I think about those children left behind. And I swear to you, I honestly think that compassion and a complex about saving the world is a terrible reason to adopt a child...but then I think about those kids and I figure IF we are adopting again (for selfish reasons - because I want a little girl to complete my family) then why not choose a place where I know the children are so needy?

So, that's that. For today. Perhaps tomorrow I'll feel differently. But I hope not.