Today my husband and I have our first meeting with a behavioral therapist about Little J. Despite our success with the gold stars (he earned his first treat and is working on his 2nd) there's still a lot going on with him that we don't have a handle on. The gold stars have been a very good tool for me as a parent as it has made me focus on the positive aspects of his behavior. They've made Little J feel good about himself, but they haven't worked a miracle or anything. Yesterday, for example, he didn't get any stars due to behavior, even though he had many opportunities to get one (if he does something I ask with me only asking him once (like getting dressed or putting on his shoes) he gets a star - how simple is that?)

We think that he wants to be a good boy and please us but somehow he's wired a certain way that prevents it. Hence, the pediatric behavioralist.

Now me, being on the Internet all the time and being an amateur behavioral therapist myself, have Little J's diagnoses already. It could be one of about fifteen things. I've looked up Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD), Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), Attachment Disorder, Sensory Integration Dysfunction (SID), and Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), and I have come to the conclusion that we need a professional's help. Most of these diagnoses are associated with children who are adopted internationally (which is NOT to say that most children adopted internationally HAVE these diagnoses) and most of them have overlapping symptoms, some of which Little J has: defiance, impulsivity, oppositional behavior, distractability, anger, poor eye contact (although this has gotten a lot better in the past 6 months), and tantrums. Yikes!

Which is it? Is it anything? Maybe he's just a "spirited" 3 year old, as some well-meaning friends of mine like to tell me. Maybe. But I think it's worth exploring.

Next post(s): definitions, symptoms and treatment.