There have been so many gains in the world of adopting from Russia lately--the 12 agencies accredited, the promise of more to come soon--so many gains that loss seems almost unthinkable. But loss is what I have to write about now.

This week, one of the brightest voices in the Russian adoption blog world lost her referral. This wasn't an abstract, paper loss: Suz--you may know her by her blog title, "Russian Adoption Dva"--had been to Russia twice to be with this little girl. She had held her in her arms, more than once. She and her husband and her older daughter, also adopted from Russia, went first in March 2006, when the little girl was 13 months old. They went again in October 2006; not for an official trip two, but because they needed to see how V was doing.

Through the many long months, Suz held firm to the belief that her official trip two and court date were just around the corner. She was always positive, always believing in Russia's best intentions. Time and again, since I started writing this blog and reading hers in January, I've read what she said to calm the fears of other prospective Russia parents, virtually and in person. And I owe Suz a tremendous debt of gratitude: She was one of the first people to notice my blog, and she told a lot of other people to give it a read too.

Before I started writing this blog, I had only had one experience with a lost referral. It was the winter of 1999 and I was in Vladivostok to adopt my older son. In my group was a couple whose first referral had died before they were able to bring her to the U.S. for medical treatment.

Since I've been here, though, I've seen several lost referrals--children re-united with biological parents or relatives, or adopted by Russian parents. And I knew that, as foreign adoptions were being slowed by the gaps in accreditation, domestic adoptions by Russians were rising.

But was there something more going on? Was the number of lost referrals really rising? I've checked with a few agencies since Tuesday, and the consensus seems to be no. Should you ask your agency now what they would do in the event of a lost referral? Maybe. Should you lose sleep over the prospect that it will happen to you? Probably not.

All of which is going to be no comfort to Suz, who needs some. I'm going to close with a quote that Suz posted once on her blog:

"An invisible red thread connects those who are destined to meet, regardless of circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but will never break."

Let's tie a red thread on for Suz, her family, and a little girl far away.

Image credit: maryvw