Hey readers (if I have any) I need some help. This blog entry is about the problem we have at our house: one of my children (Big J) is a significantly better behaver than the other (Little J).

Now, I've titled this rather provocatively. I don't go around thinking - 'this is the good one' and 'this is the bad one' but it's fairly obvious that one child is constantly getting consequences for his actions and the other isn't. Or rather, one of them is getting negative consequences and the other positive.

This isn't to say that the better behaver is always perfect. He just tends... more

It's eerily quiet in my house this morning. Usually by 6 a.m. the children are starting to get out of bed, my husband is in the shower, and I've been at my computer for an hour or so. We are all early risers in this house.

But this morning my husband is lying in bed and my children are at my parents' house. I haven't even been at the computer that long, although my goal this morning is to finish - finally finish! - the novel that's due to its publisher at the end of next week. My time without kids combined with natural talent for procrastination has given me a little... more

Before we adopted Little J I'd read all sorts of things about attachment and adoption. I read Attachment in Adoption, by Deborah Gray, I'd read countless digests of the Adopt-Parents-Russ listserv through EEAC, I'd read Adopting a Toddler, by Denise Hoppenhauer, and another adopting a toddler book, Toddler... more

Warning: this doesn't have much to do with Russian adoption but everything to do with being a parent. And since I'm the parent of a Russian-adopted child, voila - you see the connection.

I just read an essay by Ayun Halliday in Bust magazine (I didn't link to Bust because I don't want to be accused of sending people to a potentially offensive place. My sister gave me the subscription and reading it makes me feel subversive and urban - 2 things I am not. It's way to cool for this country mama. It's like a young, sexy woman's Ms.... more

Little J has been calling me names. He calls me stupid. He calls me mean mommy, not-nice mommy, and bad mommy. He typically does this when I have denied a request or I am disciplining him. Recently he's begun doing it at school when I pick him up.

When he does it at school he gets a big reaction from the other kids. They are shocked. They look at me to see what I will do. The teachers tell him he needs to speak nicely to me. "You better not talk that way to your mama!" they tell him. He usually grins.

Let me give you some more information. I do not call Little J names... more

My book, When I Met You: A Story of Russian Adoption, is written like a poem to the adopted child. It starts like this:

When I met you, you lived in Russia, a country far across the ocean. Now, you live here, close to my heart.

It goes on, comparing and contrasting life when the mother/child met and life now. I talk about how the child used to sleep (in a crib lined up against the wall), what she used to eat (kasha,... more

And when he was bad, he was horrid! And that sums up Little J, at age 3 3/4, in a nutshell. It sums up his whole life with us so far, actually. He is hot or he is cold. On or off. Really mad/sad or really happy/nice.

This is from that old poem my mom used to recite to me:

There once was a girl Who had a little curl Right in the middle of her forehead. And when she was good She was very, very good. And when she was bad She was horrid.

Hmm. Now why do you suppose she used to tell me that... more

It's not so often that I actually sit down and read my cookbooks, but A Year of Russian Feasts, by Catherine Cheremetoff Jones, is one that I read from cover-to-cover.

Jones does not just list recipes, or even list recipes with a pithy little comment to precede the ingredients, but rather writes her book as a part-travelogue, part-cultural evaluation, part-family history -- with recipes liberally sprinkled throughout. It's a very enjoyable... more

You will never catch me getting into it about the stay-at-home-mom vs. working-mom "dilemma." First of all, I think that whole argument is a made up battle, but secondly, I think all children, especially those who have behavioral or developmental problems, benefit from a little preschool or nursery school once they're past the baby stage. I am all for attaching to your newly adopted child by staying at home with him or her for the first several months (if you can) and limiting interaction with outsiders, etc., etc., but there comes a time when both you and your little one will need... more

This is a sentiment that a recent poster on EEAC's PEP list expressed. This person was reacting to her daughter's constant tantruming and challenging behaviors. Other parents chimed in, letting her know that sometimes they felt that way, too.

I'm sure it was hard for her to admit this lack of love. It's not a very noble feeling, not to like your own child, but I think in many ways it's very normal. Especially if you're the parent of a spirited, or difficult, or strong-willed or challenging youngster. Whatever you want to call it.

I don't want to scare any potential adoptive... more